In Lieu of Cash
by Vol lady
Summary: A little diversion. Nick tells Heath about the times Jarrod brought home something other than money for a fee. Set just after the opening scene in "Under a Dark Star."


In Lieu of Cash

Heath stood there just outside the back door, holding the small cage, staring at the creature inside. He said, "He handed me a pig."

Nick lifted the hens he dangled by the feet. "He handed me chickens."

Heath looked up at his brother. "Does he do this a lot? Is this _normal_ ?"

Nick laughed. Heath hadn't been around long enough to encounter some of the "objects in lieu of payment" Jarrod brought home now and then. "Sometimes I wonder if our brother isn't more interested in the fun of trying cases than making money at it."

Nick started back toward the hen house. Heath followed along, still staring at the cage in his hands. "At least your hens already have a home. What am I gonna do with this pig?"

"We'll see if these chickens have a home," Nick warned. "The hens already in there might have other ideas."

"That still doesn't tell me what I'm gonna do with this pig," Heath said.

Nick kept going. "Once Jarrod came home with the prototype of a telephone."

"Telephone?"

"Yeah, like a telegraph system only it's supposed to actually carry your voice. Trouble is, nobody anywhere around had another telephone for him to talk to, much less the connecting wires. And then there was the time he came home with a big snake."

"Snake?"

"Yeah," Nick said. "We ate it. It tasted like chicken."

"I know that. I've eaten snake before."

"This snake was from India. Bigger around than a log off a tree and meaner than a wildcat. Tough to chew, too."

They reached the henhouse. Nick took the chickens in, but Heath stayed outside, afraid the pig might cause a ruckus. The new hens caused a ruckus all by themselves. Nick left them in there and got out. "They might kill each other," Heath warned.

"They'll probably peck it out and sort it out and be all right by nightfall," Nick said, closing the cage door.

"I still don't know what to do with this pig," Heath said.

Nick looked more closely at it now that he was free of the flapping birds. "I wonder if it's a baby or if this is as big as it gets."

"You think we ought to go ahead and slaughter it?"

"We'll ask Jarrod. You know, a while back he defended a Basque who gave him some really fine wine and a sheepskin coat that was too small for him. Audra ended up with it."

They started back toward the house. "I can't take this back inside," Heath said. "Mother'll have a fit."

Nick was still off in his memories of some of Jarrod's more colorful "fees." "Once Big Brother came home with a heckuva horse. The problem was, it was only ten hands high, not even a good pony size, and mean! It would bite your hand even if you were trying to give it sugar."

"What happened to it?"

"Jarrod traded it to a traveling circus for five tickets to the show. Then there were two goats he brought home once. We had some good goat's milk for a while, but we had some hands who came from one of those countries in North Africa and Jarrod let them have the goats for their Christmas dinner. And then – "

They were at the back door of the house, and Heath stopped. "Nick – "

Nick stopped. "Yeah?"

"What am I gonna do with this pig?"

Nick looked around, everywhere, on the ground, in the air, around the yard. "I don't know," he finally announced.

"Well, I can't just stand here and hold it."

"Let's put it in the barn for now," Nick said.

He and Heath walked down to the barn and went inside, intending to just put the cage on a shelf somewhere, but one of the yard dogs had just had pups and she was keeping watch over them in a corner. She and the pups went wild with barking and yipping and crying when they saw and smelled the pig.

"This ain't gonna work," Heath said and went right back outside again.

Nick followed. "Maybe the smokehouse."

Heath gave him a sideways look. "So he can smell all his dead relatives curing?"

"Jarrod brought home some real good cured ham once," Nick said.

"Nick, I gotta do something with this pig, and I'm not gonna keep it for a pet," Heath said, his patience wearing thin.

"Audra might," Nick mused.

Yankee, the blacksmith, came along, heading for the barn. He stopped, he looked. "That's a pig!" he said.

"Want it?" Heath asked.

"It's not big enough to make a pound of bacon out of," Yankee said.

"Jarrod brought home some real good bacon once, too," Nick said.

"I don't care what Jarrod brought home once!" Heath said. "He brought _this_ home today and he stuck me with it!"

Yankee went on to work in the barn, trying not to laugh at the boss. Nick did laugh. "Tell you what. Why don't we just build a little coop for it out by the henhouse and turn it loose. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes to put something together. Then we can tell Jarrod what we did and let him decide what to do with it."

Heath considered it and nodded.

Nick said, "I'll get the chicken wire, you find a spot for the coop."

Heath nodded again and headed back toward the chicken coop. Nick was not that far behind him, carrying wire identical to the wire that surrounded the chicken coop along with some stakes and a sledgehammer. Lickety split, Nick had built a small enclosure and invited Heath to put the little pig into it. Heath put the cage inside the small circular pen and opened the door on it. The little pig sniffed a bit but hurried out, and Nick made sure the ends of the chicken wire overlapped to close the pen up.

Then they stood and looked at the little thing nosing around its new home. It made little snuffling noises.

"It is kinda cute," Heath said.

"Jarrod brought home a cute little furry thing once," Nick said. "It turned out to be a mink. It was so young, it wasn't even mean yet. Audra fell in love with it and kept it for a pet for a year before it got away. And once he brought home four rabbits. Well, before you knew it, we had twenty-some rabbits and – "

"Nick," Heath interrupted. "Does Jarrod ever bring any money home?"

Nick smiled. "When he does, he keeps it to himself. It's these little treasures he shares with the rest of us."

The little pig had stopped and stood looking up at them. They stood and looked down at it. It gave a little snort.

Nick said, "And then there was the time Jarrod brought home a couple bottles of Russian vodka that Audra and Eugene got into. Accidentally. We had a party and Jarrod spiked one of the bowls of punch with some of the vodka. Well, the kids couldn't taste the vodka and they were getting mighty happy before anybody noticed they'd been drinking from the wrong bowl. I thought Mother was gonna kill Jarrod for sure that time …"

The End


End file.
